Mass Effect 2 Funny Conversation Stimulation Suit

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A page for some of the better quotes from Mass Effect 2. Needs More Love

Shepard's Quotes

Shepard: "Just once, I'd like for someone to say "Yes, certainly, I'll help you save the galaxy! Just let me go grab my stuff!"" (Mordin recruitment mission)

(On arrival at Purgatory) Guard: "As this is a high-security vessel, you must relinquish possession of your weapons." Shepard: "I'll relinquish one bullet. Where do you want it?"

Shepard: "I was only mostly dead. Try finding that on government paperwork." (On arrival at the Citadel, being processed)

Shepard: "When you want a problem shot, ask a turian. When you want a problem talked to death, ask an asari. When you want a new problem, ask a salarian. When you want a problem solved, ask a human." (Renegade Shep, on solving a problem for an asari on the Citadel)

Shepard: "I've had enough of your disingenuous assertions!" (Renegade Interrupt on Khalisah al-Jilani. Followed by a SHEPARD PAWNCH)

Shepard: "Put more of the stuff in the... the thing more stuff goes in." (Drunk Shepard, ordering another)

The Illusive Man: I made you, Shepard! I brought you back from the dead! Shepard: And I'm going to do what you brought me back to do. I'll fight and win this war without compromising the soul of our species.

Shepard: "I let the Destiny Ascension die with ten thousand people on board - including the Council. I personally destroyed the last Rachni Queen. So for your sake..." (The same Paragon response with different import choices).

Shepard: "Hiding behind a hostage Vasir. No stomach for a real fight. Just like an asari." Vasir: "Drop the thermal clips, Shepard." Shepard: " You girls should just stick to dancing. You know, play to your strengths." Liara wincing Vasir: "Drop the clips." Shepard: "I'm gonna kill your hostage, Vasir. And then I'm going to show you how a real Spectre gets things done." (Renegade response to the hostage situation)

• Shepard's various heroic monologues at the end of Arrival.

Renegade Shepard: Yes. People will die. Maybe we'll lose half the galaxy. Maybe more. But I will do whatever it takes to rid the galaxy of the Reaper threat.

Neutral Shepard: Some humans are afraid that the Reapers are too powerful. But when the Alpha Relay breaks, everyone will see that we can fight the Reapers. And win.

Paragon Shepard: Maybe you're right. Maybe we can't win this. But we'll fight you regardless, just like we did Sovereign. Just like I'm doing now.

All Shepards: However "insignificant" we might be, we will fight, we will sacrifice and we will find a way. That's what humans do.

Joker's Quotes About Squadmates:

Garrus

• On recruitment:

"Hey, Commander, we got Garrus back! He was always my favorite. With that pole up his ass."

• As a squadmate:

"It seems like Garrus has finally worked that stick out of his butt, but now he's trying to beat guys to death with it. I can't believe I liked the old Garrus better."

Miranda

"I wouldn't say anything bad about Miranda...and expect to survive the reprisal."

Jacob

"Jacob is way too nice a guy for the number of ways he knows how to kill people."

Samara

• On recruitment:

"So, Commander, even your asari are trained killers? You get everyone at the same store or something?"

• As a squadmate:

"I feel like Samara could shoot me in a very tranquil manner, which doesn't make me feel any better about it."

Jack

• On recruitment:

"Okay, Shepard, glad you're back, but keep an eye on that last one. We can only hold so much crazy."

• As a squadmate:

"I'm not going to say anything about Jack--I'm not that stupid."

Grunt

• On recruitment:

"Did you collect stray cats as a kid? Because we really needed a mega-krogan, so thanks for dragging him home."

• As a squadmate:

"Grunt is... not a stabilizing element, Commander."

Thane

• On recruitment:

"Oh, another dangerous alien aboard, Commander. Thanks. Why can't you collect coins or commemorative plates or something?"

• As a squadmate:

"Thane seems like the strong, sensitive, murdering type. You know those are always great to have around. A real cuddler."

Legion

• On recruitment

"So yeah, geth...on the ship. Uh, geth?! Ah, we're all fricking insane."

• As a squadmate:

"Having Legion around is just begging for a rifle up your ass, without the sweet-talk."

Tali

• On recruitment:

"It's great to see Tali on board, Commander. Just like old times. It is her, right? I mean, because of the mask, it's - ah, never mind."

• As a squadmate:

"Well, I always liked Tali, so...let's just move on."

Zaeed

• On recruitment:

"Hey, Shepard. Another hard-ass on board, huh? That's great, because I really need more stink-eye coming my way."

• As a squadmate

"Zaeed is like you, but takes checks. As long as it's not my money, we're good."

Kasumi

"I like Kasumi, but why do I feel like I need to check the Citadel for parts she may have pawned?"

Joker's Quotes In General

"I'm glad that mess is over for Tali, Commander. Some of those quarians… I guess living aboard a ship can really mess with your priorities? Not that I would know… ah, I just burned myself. Great."

"Hey Commander. Glad we figured out Jack is crazy. Because that was really up in the air, just hanging there."

"I gotta hit the head, Commander. We done for now, or do I have to use the bottle I keep under here?"

"Man, what I wouldn't give to go planetside. Wading through muck, getting shot in the face. Man, that is the life."

(Sound of woman gasping in a porn scene.) "Uh, sorry. That was supposed to go to my earpiece."

"Why is it always claw and guns? Why can't we piss off a fuzzy planet? Still dangerous, but hey, bunnies."

"Know what I hate about deep space? Crap radio stations from two centuries back. Gosh, we were idiots."

"Great. This is were it starts. Then when we're turned into organic batteries guess who'll they'll blame. This is all Joker's fault. What a tool he was. I have to spend all day computing pi because he plugged in the Overlord."

"I'm not real broken up about Wrex not coming with us. I'm good with our current level of headbutting. I think we're at headbutting capacity."

"Yeah, so if she starts spouting off about being the "vanguard of our destruction," I got shotgun on the first lifeboat out of here." (On EDI examining the Reaper IFF)

Normandy crewmembers:

Engineer Donnelly: "So Gabby, what do you think of our new quarian boss?" Engineer Daniels: "Hush! She's right over there!" Engineer Donnelly: "Ah, she can't hear us with her head in that bucket. Don't get me wrong, it's a beautiful bucket. The whole suit is lovely. Quite -->snug, in all the right places." Tali: "You know I can hear you." Engineer Daniels: "Hah!"

Engineer Donnelly: "That scunner can't cook a good haggis to save his life." Engineer Daniels: "Yeah, but all haggis tastes like ass anyway." Engineer Donnelly: "Aye, but in the right hands it can taste like mighty fine ass."

Engineer Daniels: "I've got green across the board. The forward tanks are bouyant and elevated." Engineer Donnelly: "Are you talking about the Normandy, or Miranda?" Engineer Daniels: "I'm talking about the one that's covered and protected, not bouncing in the breeze." Engineer Donnelly: "I don't know. Officer Lawson's uniform is very official. It always makes me stand at attention." Engineer Daniels: "You're such a dog."

Engineer Donnelly: "We're off to kick the Collectors right in their daddy-bags."

Squadmates

Garrus

"You do realize this plan has me walking into hell too? Hah, just like old times…." (recruitment phase conversation)

"A quarantine zone for a plague that kills turians. Why don't we ever go anywhere nice?" (Mordin's recruitment mission)

dodging an explosion* "Definitely like old times." (Tali's recruitment mission)

"You know me. Always like to savor that last shot before popping the heat sink... *beat* Wait. That metaphor just went somewhere horrible." (romance conversation)

"I had reach, she had flexibility." (Normandy conversation)

"Scratch one!" (random combat taunt)

Grunt

seeing the burning corpses of plague victims* "Anybody hungry?" (Mordin's recruitment mission)

"I am pure krogan; you should be in awe." (loyalty mission conversation)

"Less than a finger deep to sever your spine. You're soft. Salarians, asari, all soft. Quarians, not so much. Turians, you have to work the blade, I guess. Don't see much point to it though. Heh, much point. Ah, never mind." (Normandy conversation)

"I would never stab you in the back, Shepard. People like you and me? Straight to the face. *after a brief pause* Kidding! Kidding! (Normandy conversation)

"See, now we're having fun! Me remembering good deaths and you... you with... your funny human thing." (Normandy conversation)

"Feel the BLOOD RAGE!!!" (heard when charging in combat)

"Shepard is my battlemaster. S/he has no match." (after loyalty mission completion, to Shaman)

"Battlemaster, I have everything. Clan, kin and enemies to fight. (Normandy conversation if all dialogue is finished)

Jack/Subject Zero

"Mess with someone's head enough, you can turn a scared little kid into an all powerful bitch." (Normandy conversation)

"Hello dead people!" (random combat taunt)

"If I die, I'm haunting you, Shepard." (KO quote)

"That was mean...but damn funny." (If Shepard lets Niftu Cal take on the Eclipse mercenaries)

Jacob

"The Alliance is all politics. Somebody has to take down the bad people." (Normandy conversation on why he joined Cerberus)

"Get over here!" / "Gravity's one mean mother, huh?" (when using the 'Pull' ability)

"Gotta figure...if all the people hoping we win stood up, the Collectors would have a much bigger fight on their hands. Claws. Whatever. I bet we have a lot more friends once we win. Hope we live to see it. [..] It's a hell of a job, isn't it, Shepard? Being the good guy." (Normandy conversation)

"I'm good, Shepard! Ready for anything! We live, we'll get loud; spill some drinks on the Citadel!" (Normandy conversation)

"You have a say every time you fight back, Shepard. [...] That's when it matters most. You push back. You want a list of people who give in, look at the assholes we end up fighting. You don't let anything get in the way of what you need to do. That's why I wanna be here....with you." (Romance)

"Telling me felt good, right? Made you think someone understood. But you know what? It's still there. You dealt with it before, and you'll have to keep dealing. Because you know what's more important? Everything." (Romance)

"Sneaking into the Captain's quarters? Heavy risk. But the priiiiiizeeeeee..." (Romance)

Kasumi

"I'm the best thief in the business, not the most famous. Need to watch my step to keep it that way." (recruitment phase conversation)

"Going dark!" (when using the 'Shadow Strike' ability)

"Michaelangelo's David... just, wow! Think we can get this through the door?" (loyalty mission dialogue)

"How did [Donnovan] Hock get Lady Liberty's head?! Damn you Hock!!!" (loyalty mission dialogue)

"I swear to God I didn't touch anything!" (said when first entering the Citadel)

Miranda

"We all expect you can do impossible, Shepard. No pressure..." (Minuteman Station conversation)

"I'm an excellent judge of character. I think you'll find my assessments to be right on the money." (Normandy conversation)

"On the floor!" (when using Slam)

"Cerberus never tells me that something is impossible. They give me my resources and say "do it"."

Mordin

"Lots of ways to help people. Sometimes heal patients; sometimes execute dangerous people. Either way helps." (recruitment phase conversation)

"Trying to determine how scale itch got onto Normandy, sexually transmitted disease only carried by varren. Implications... unpleasant." (Normandy conversation)

"Have ruled out the possibility of artificially intelligent virus. Unless it's *very* intelligent... and toying with me. Hmm... tests." (Normandy conversation)

with guilt* "Hard to see big picture behind pile of corpses." (loyalty mission conversation)

"Flammable! ...or inflammable. Forget which. Doesn't matter!" (battle quote, when using Incinerate)

Legion

"Shepard-Commander." (first line)

"Organics fear us. We wish to understand, not incite." (Normandy conversation)

"Geth do not intentionally infiltrate." (Citadel conversation)

Alarmed* "This platform is not available for experimentation." (Tali's loyalty mission)

"Windows are a structural weakness. Geth do not use them." (loyalty mission conversation)

"We do not comprehend the organic fascination of self-poisoning, auditory damage and sexually transmitted disease."

Tali

"Shepard? Is that… you're alive?" (Freedom's Progress conversation)

"Go for the optics, Chik'tikka!" (when using the 'Combat Drone' ability)

response to the 'robbed' racist volus* "I am clan Zorah, crew of the starship Neema. And you are an idiot!" (Citadel conversation)

"I've already got better Shepard. I've got you." (loyalty mission conversation)

Shepard confides in Tali* "I know... well no not that I know... it's just that... well... it's not normally like this... I mean, wow... its very hot in here." (Romance conversation)

"What could I possibly be suggesting? I mean, a young woman gets saved by a dashing commander who lets her join his crew and then goes off to save the galaxy? How could she possibly develop any interest in him?"

"I watched your face as Lieutenant Alenko died on Virmire, I watched you stand strong against everything the galaxy threw at you..... I watched you for so long. And yet I never thought you'd ever see past... this..." (romance conversation)

"Just so you know I'm running a fever, I've got a nasty cough, and my sinuses are filled with something I can't even describe. And it was totally Worth It!" (post-game romance conversation)

"Please Shepard; I'm a Quarian! Give me a hunk of scrap metal, a circuit board, and some element zero, and I'll have it making precision jumps!" (On asking her about the Normandy)

Thane

"The measure of an individual can be difficult to discern by actions alone." (recruitment phase conversation)

"Amonkira, Lord of Hunters, grant that my hands be steady, my aim be true, and my feet swift. And should the worst come to pass, grant me forgiveness." (loyalty mission dialogue)

Thane (bowing over a fresh kill): silence Shepard: "Hello?" Thane: "I apologize, but prayers for the wicked must not be forsaken." Shepard: "Do you really think she's worth a prayer?" Thane: "Not for her. For me."

Thane: "My wife is dead. My son is lost. My body's acts in this life are tales never to be told. When I'm gone, it will be as if I never lived." (Onboard the Normandy if you fail his loyalty mission)

"Sleep well, and dream of bulbous women." (to Niftu Cal)

"Your body is dust!" (using Warp)

"Go now to the sea." (combat quote)

Samara

"By the code I will serve you, Shepard. Your choices are my choices. Your morals are my morals. Your wishes are my code." (recruitment phase conversation)

"Jacob is an earnest young man. Events will either forge him into a great man or utterly destroy him. Miranda is undoubtedly a hard woman. I respect her strength and determination. She carries many burdens and doesn't share them with others - as it should be."

"When you live by a code that compels you to harsh action, you learn the dangers of curiosity. If I must kill a man because he has done wrong, do I really wish to know that he is a devoted father?" (Normandy conversation)

"Your life is mine!" (using Reave)

"Find peace in the embrace of the Goddess."

Zaeed Massani

"I was just waxing goddamn nostalgic." (Normandy dialogue)

"I get paid extra for anti-armor duty." (facing the Geth Colossus)

"Rage is a hell of an anesthetic." (loyalty mission conversation)

addressing Vido Santiago* "BRING IT ON YOU SON OF A BITCH!" (loyalty mission dialogue)

"Sit down!" (when using the 'Concussive Shot' ability)

Conversations

• On the Citadel:

Garrus: "You ever miss those talks we had on the elevators?" Tali: "No." Garrus: "Come on, remember how we'd all ask you about life on the flotilla? It was an opportunity to share." Tali: "This conversation is over." Garrus: "Tell me again about your immune system!" Tali: "I have a shotgun." Garrus: "Maybe we'll talk later."

• On Tuchanka

Fortack: I used to be a scientist. I designed weapons. Now my genius is wasted on frivolous things. Things that don't explode. My predecessor said no one would understand the true worth of my work. As I pulled my blade from his chest, I knew he was telling the truth. Shepard: Not exactly what I would call effective academic peer review.

• Onboard the Normandy

Shepard: Have you got a minute to talk? Mordin: Actually, wanted to talk. Medical matters. Aware that mission is dangerous, different species react differently to stress. Aware you come by a great deal. Have had other species become attracted to me before. Awkward. Not interested. Shepard: You've had members of another species make a pass at you? Mordin: Constantly. Very awkward. Skin tone apparently attractive by turian standards. Subset of krogan sexual deviants enjoy salarian flexibility. More cartilage in skeletal structure. Asari offers intriguing, actually. Wonder why. Transspecies pheremones unlikely to work. Must be neurochemical. Shepard: Wait a minute Mordin, you're just yanking me around, aren't you? Mordin: Shocking suggestion! Doctor-patient confidentiality a sacred trust. Would never dream of mockery. Enjoy yourself while possible Shepard. Will be here studying cell reproduction. Much simpler. Less alcohol and mood music required.

• Overheard in Illium

Valley Girl Quarian: So then he says, "Oh, it's okay. Our amino acids are all different, so it's not like we can get diseases or anything if we go natural." Friend-Zone Turian: I'm telling you, this is why you shouldn't date humans. Quarian: So then I had to explain about cross-species fluid contact. Completely killed the mood. Turian: Not to mention that you're a quarian. How could he be so insensitive? You deserve somebody who's going to respect you. Somebody who's going to treat you right. Quarian: Oh, I think I'm just going to stop dating for a while. Turian: No! Don't do that. Don't let some human spoil you. Quarian: It's always the same thing. "Ooh, she could get sick. Ooh, she's vulnerable. I wonder what she looks like under the helmet." Turian: You'll find someone out there who cares about you for who you are. Someone whose food you can eat, even. If you're hurting for something to do, maybe after work we could catch a vid or something? Quarian: Oh, that's sweet, but a little dry spell isn't going to kill me. Turian: We could watch 'Fleet and Flotilla', it got awards for its portrayal of, um, turian and quarian relationships. Quarian: Anyway, if worst comes to worst, I did have the nerve-stimulation program built into my suit. Turian: And I hear that the loves scenes are... what? Quarian: Oh yeah. Standard equipment for any responsible adult. Here, let me fire it up... uhh, excuse me human? Private con-ver-say-ti-onn? Ugh. Turian: A little space, please?

• Chasing Liara's would-be assassin through Illium

Liara: She's got reinforcements! Shepard: What kind of guns does this thing have? Liara: It's a taxi! It has a fare meter! Shepard: Wonderful.

• During the assault on the Shadow Broker's ship

Liara: Their attacks are disorganized. They'd be more effective if they all attacked at once. Shepard: Please don't give the mercs ideas. more troops arrive Liara: The next wave looks like a big one. Shepard: You just had to give'em tactical advice. Liara: But now there'll be fewer left to deal with inside. Shepard: Keep dreaming, T'Soni.

Harbinger discussing the "viability" of each race:

"Human. Viable possibility. Impressive genetic malleability."

"Quarian. Considered due to cybernetic augmentation. Weakened immune system too debilitating."

"Turian. You are considered... too primitive."

"Krogan. Sterilized race. Potential wasted."

"Asari. Reliance on alien species for reproduction shows genetic weakness."

"Salarian. Insufficient lifespan. Fragile genetic structure."

"Drell. Useless. Insufficient numbers."

"Geth. An annoyance. Limited utility."

NPCs

Shaman

"There's some fire and from an alien! Oh, the shame this heaps on those who whine like pups." (Grunt's loyalty mission)

Captain Bailey

"You think he's [Thane] the only man whose ever messed up raising a son?" (Thane's loyalty mission)

Aria T'Loak

"Don't fuck with Aria." (First conversation with her on Omega)

Gameplay Tips

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Source: https://tropedia.fandom.com/wiki/Mass_Effect_2/Quotes

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